King of the Classroom

I thought I might briefly outline "Lyan's classroom techniques".

"Attention Getting Maneuvers"
[1]Talk quietly.
[2]Pretend you are bored.
[3]Pretend you are holding something in your hand. Proceed to silently stretch it, bounce it, eat it, etc... I have found this to be highly effective. Kids are curious. I use that against them.
[4]Whatever you do... do not say "shut up". For some reason, this is a huge "no no" in Korea. It's like cursing at a child. I have never said shut up to anyone in the last 15 years. I think it's because my mom never let me (wow, I continue to discover how much power my mother had in the "shaping ryan" project).
[5]Make all students stand up. Give them directions... everyone point at the floor, everyone stick out their tongue and touch their elbow to their knee, etc...
[6]Speak rapidly using as many "big" words as possible.
[7]Begin writing "HOMEWORK" on the board.

"Disciplinary Measures"
[1]"You have two choices... Option 1: stay seated and listen. Option 2: leave the classroom. What do you choose?"
[2]"Oh, you have chosen to stand by me. Please come up to the front of the class."
[3]Seperation of the trouble makers. Sometimes I make the misbehaving boy sit on the girls' side of the classroom. This is embarassing for the boy.

***It is almost always the boys that cause the problems, never the girls. My grandmother would say, "Girls are cute... and then they grow up."
***I have never had to send a child out of the room. They always choose Option number one.

"Diversionary/Entertainment Maneuvers"
[1]The patented "Ryan's disappearing coin trick".
[2]Juggling.
[3]Pretend tearing the paper trick.
[4]Can you do this? Hand tricks... the double jointed thumb, finger gymnastics, and the broken finger trick (I actually got some of the little girls to squeel in horror with this one).
[5]Do a hand stand trick.
[6]Tell a funny personal story trick.
[7]Create a "monster" on the board trick. Ask students what to draw for head, body, arms, and legs. Ask them to name it. Ask what it eats. Ask where it lives.
[8]Create a story trick... ask the students Who? What? Where? When? Then quickly fabricate a funny story using the children's details. I actually get requests for this one.
[9]Quickly draw a maze on the board trick. Ask for two volunteers. Student number one holds the marker and closes their eyes. Student number two guides the hand of student number one through the maze.
[10]Throw a paper airplane at the student you want to read or answer a question. They throw it back when they are finished. Then you throw it at the next volunteer.
[11]Tell the kids that when you smile you are angry... and when you don't smile you are happy. Then try not to smile. It's tough, man.
[12]Start singing.
[13]Empty your pockets and explain how each thing saved your life (I actually just thought of this one, but now I'm definitely going to use it.)
[14]Many of my tricks are created as needed... for example, we were reading about losing teeth. Before class, I took an eraser from the supply box. I also took an exacto knife. Then I carved a beautiful fake tooth. As I walked into the classroom I "accidentally" slammed my face in the door and "lost" my "tooth", to the amazement of my students.

A wiseman once said, "It is better to be respected than cool."