Thoughts at Night

Have you ever tried to go to sleep, your eyelids are heavy, and then suddenly some thought comes to mind? And then you have to write about those thoughts just so you can go back to sleep? Seems to happen to me often. Here are some thoughts from the night...

I want to be a wiseman. But then I started to wonder... What exactly is a wiseman? Is it a person who has neat little things to say like... "The greatest warrior is the one that can change his enemy into his friend?"

No, I don't think so.

I imagine a wiseman as someone who has a calm patience. A peace. A man who knows how to answer questions with questions. Questions that help the quester find the answers for himself. Because an answer is more powerful when it is found through struggle.

I want to be a young wiseman. But I don't think that is possible... is it? Sometimes I feel like an old soul trapped in a young body. And other times I feel as though I shall never grow up.

Why do I want to be a wiseman? Is it so I can feel proud of myself? So I can help others? Because wisemen know God? I think of the many men and women of the Bible that I consider wise... and the many unwise choices some of them seemed to make. Is there really such thing as a wiseman?

I think Enoch must have been a true wiseman... that's probably why God took him. He simply walked off this earth at God's side. Sometimes, I think that maybe if I love and understand God like Enoch did, then someday I too will get to simply walk with God and be no more. That is one of my secret dreams.

I realize I am a fool. But that's okay. Better a fool in God's court than a king on this earth.

rescue

"Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child,' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD. --(from the book of Jeremiah)

I feel like Jeremiah. Like me, he has fear. Fear of inadequacy. And like me, he has also been given a promise. A promise of rescue.